I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Four minutes until I can fart!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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