i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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