Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
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And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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