I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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