I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
