you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
