But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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