Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Someone shit on the floor
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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