My hand turned me down
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
