we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
