Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
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This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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