Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
