I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
