Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
