I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
