I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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