The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
