At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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