Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
