why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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