I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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