She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
