Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
