I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
