We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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