Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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