I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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