you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
