I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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