Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
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White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
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All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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