We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
