I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
