Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
