Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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