I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
