I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
