you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
