The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
