You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
