I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
