He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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