Kiss
Puke
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
