i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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