dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize