OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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