Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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