Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
