I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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