My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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