Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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