and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
