I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
