The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I look better un-naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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