its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Drunk is not a location!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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