I love black thongs
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
