Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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