Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i love accidental penises.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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