i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
this will be a night to untag.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
