Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
