The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
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My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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