It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
